I’m not a fan when my mind wanders into this arena. And there’s so many places to go with this topic, I could unpack and camp out here in my thoughts…so let’s hash it out here and move on with life.
I was minding my own business scrolling through Facebook the other day and this image popped up on a store ad:
Beautiful, right? I actually purchased this exact singlet and compression tights about a month ago on a phenomenal sale and I adore them. I like the material (moisture wicking, fitted, seams placed appropriately to combat chub rub) and the functionality of the compression when running (everything jiggly stays where it’s assigned!). I don’t know why I paused when I saw this advertisement…but I got stuck on the image and the flood of thoughts came in how awesome this person looks in this outfit, how awesome her arms are (I’m been doing mind battle recently with the loose skin not toning up on my arms), how thick her hair is, and on and on.
I know how ridiculous it is to let this take up real estate in my mind. It doesn’t matter that I don’t look like her. I look like me. She’s a model. Likely airbrushed. She may look at this beautiful image and think terrible things about herself. I don’t know. Point is, I shouldn’t be comparing my body to hers. My body, while it’s not where I want it to be, is far smaller and healthier than it used to be. It’s a work in progress.
So, as this battle rages in an area of my mind, I go to a sporting goods store yesterday looking for a specific product that I want to try on my long runs that are over 60 minutes because my stomach will not accept my current fuel chews once I pass 90 minutes of exertion, but haven’t been able to find the other products I want to try locally in small quantity. (Side note: Skratch Labs energy chews are an incredible product; haven’t tried any of their electrolyte/hydration products yet–probably won’t have need to on those until I start full marathon training) Anyway…back to my point. I knew exactly what I wanted, politely asked for it, and then had to explain what the product was to the sales person since they didn’t know what it was. The person then yells across the store (thankfully vacant of other customers) asking the other associate if they carry said products, but apparently this associate lost their mind temporarily or maintains no people skills, tacks on a highly insulting and shaming comment about me, my knowledge, and my ability to run to the request. (Oh, I’m sorry, fat people who workout lack the intelligence to do research? Please explain, I’m very confused)
My restraint in response was impeccable. Thankfully close to the door, I was simply able to turn and leave before opening my big mouth. I went about the rest of my day, and am rather proud of myself for simply just being angry and not lashing out. I’m trying hard to get it out of mind and on with life, but it does remind me of the facts: I am still a fat person. Working on it, yes, but it’s still a fact. I don’t look like a “typical” athletic person, and likely never will. I don’t set land speed records–I run intervals at a pace that a good portion of people probably walk at. Regardless of the facts, I love it. It makes me happy. It’s not going to stop me…I’m far more stubborn than that. Reality of life is this won’t be the last encounter I have of this manner–while I continue to transform my body, I will still be learning, researching, trying new things, and getting out of my comfort zone to improve my performance, keep myself healthy in the process, and do it in a safe manner. I am me, you are you, and I hope we all win. I just want to be the best me that God created me to be. And I want the same for you.
No great revelation in this post, life just sucks sometimes and you need to vent, and I think no matter what side of the coin you’re on, you might be able to relate in some way and know you’re not alone in whatever your goals are too. Despite the good, bad, and ugly that we all encounter…just keep going. If it’s worth doing, do it, and never give up. And if you see me out there tomorrow morning in the outfit above, tell me how awesome I look! (LOL)