“Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.” Psalm 86:11 NRSV
Some Christians call it a life verse, but this is my very favorite verse of Scripture that I have carried close to my heart since I came back to the Lord after I had walked away from the church in my late teens after a series of events of my own doing–and ultimately what I realized in hindsight was probably not a solid relationship with Christ in the first place, but that’s a different story for a different day. I used this as my choice verse of Scripture spoken over me during my commissioning and ordination–it has very deep meaning to me.
It came to mind last week and brought me to tears as I was driving to the office on the way to a particularly busy day last week. I never cease to be amazed to where God has brought me over the last few years. I never could have imagined it. Not even a little bit. It started with a prayer. A simple, frustration and temper filled prayer at the end of my rope where I had exhausted all my human options, so I was ready to submit to God and see what He had to offer. Humbling place to be when you’ve committed your life to be in a position where it’s God first. A good reminder I’m human too.
But, in true God-fashion, He’s always on time. And works miracles in our lives if we stand aside and let Him. I’m pretty speechless when I sit back and try to praise God for the wonder of how He has worked in my life over the last few years in all areas…deepening my relationship with Him to places I’ve never experienced with God, dynamically changing my mental health and emotional disposition, and physically taking me to a place I’ve never been before. Is there still room to change in every one of these areas? Absolutely. I will continue to grow and change and improve until the day that I meet Jesus face to face or He comes again.
I’ve shared this quote here and so many other places, but it sums up so beautifully what I can’t put into words for myself, “I’m not on a diet. I’m on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness.” (Lysa TerKeurst) It’s not about me. It’s not about the physical. It’s about God’s will being carried out through me. It’s about God.
The last few days have been surreal. I boarded a plane and for the first time in at least a decade didn’t have to hang my head in shame and humiliatingly ask the flight attendant for a seat belt extender–not only that, but there was plenty of room to cinch that sucker tight, I was able to sit in an airplane seat with the arm rest down, and comfortably enjoy the flight with no worries because of my size. I don’t think I’ve EVER done that as an adult. Yeah, I cried. And my husband laughed (and that’s okay).
We have had a couple days bumming around Chicago, had some amazing meals, took in a great musical, and yesterday hit the race expo and packet pickup where the enormity of this kinda hit me…tomorrow morning I’m crossing the line with a mere 44,000ish of my closest friends. And Friday was the “light” day at the expo…to say I’m on people overload already is an understatement. This is a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of reasons, and truly Chicago is the only world major I have a desire to tackle…it’s worth the anxiety and the emotional exhaustion to wade through crowds to make these memories, but to say that I’ll sleep well for the next several days is definitely an understatement, LOL. I’m looking forward to what hubby has planned here in Chicago on Monday to recover and decompress.
But in the meantime, have you heard? I’M RUNNING THE CHICAGO MARATHON TOMORROW!!! I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, prepared for every weather contingency–cool and windy is pretty much given, rain is the variable here. But regardless of what happens out there, every step, from the start line to mile 26.2 is joy-filled and a gift from God. He brought me to this point. This was all Him–let’s not forget I turned it all over to Him in obedience when I said I was done, that I didn’t know what to do anymore, that I was just spinning my wheels in all areas of life. The Lord intervened in a mighty way that I could never have imagined, showing me how I was not honoring His creation (His image) and carrying out His will as such…I couldn’t be more grateful for such a reality check. He gets all the glory. Period.
So, if you see me on the ground tomorrow, drag me over the finish line line, because…Strava.