God’s timing is always perfect. Yesterday I had a good conversation with someone I respect in a time of reflection and review where I verbalized something that I maybe had thought about, but hadn’t necessarily put the words to…I was asked about time off/taking a day off. I don’t. I know the reasons why it’s not healthy–I don’t need to be reminded, but in discussion the words came out of my mouth that got to the root of the issue, I am compensating for guilt.
I am in a place in my life right now where I’m (literally and figuratively) running circles around my former self. I feel like I have to make up that time of complacency in ministry and other areas of life from what I wasted essentially sitting in my personal sin.
Ouch. Well…once it’s verbalized, now I gotta hash out these feelings now that I realize them. Crud. The wheels are in motion…can’t promise I’ll be taking a regular day off any time soon, but I get it. There’s some flawed thinking here that needs to be reframed.
Anyway, in one of our Bible study groups today, we were studying a bit on our worth and identity in Christ, and did an exercise where we took scripture and reworked it a bit to be God’s personal note to us based on the wellness study we’re doing and had an example as a guide….I don’t claim myself to have a way with words and used one of the more poignant phrases from the example, but this hit me pretty hard once I saw it inked out when we shared our results with the group:
“I love you, Stephanie. I loved you at your worst and I (will) love you at your best. I love you and no number on the scale will ever change that–you are My child, called for My great purpose. You aren’t on this path to become a size two or achieve a magic number, you are learning obedience to My desires for your overall health and wellness, because I desire you to be healthy in every sense of the word. I know your name, Stephanie, now rest in the security of My Name and all that it means to your identity.” (ref. Isaiah 45:2-3)
Well, there’s still work to be done…thank God I’m not alone. He’s with me.