Numbers

For someone who loves math, I’m not a fan lately…well, only because science is mixed in and the only science class I ever liked was chemistry (the math…balanced equations).  I am trying to look really hard at a lot of those different measuring sticks that I’ve talked about before, but that stupid scale is driving me batty….for the last 9 weeks.  Exactly the same.  Exactly.  Not the scale…multiple locations confirm the current number on the scale.

I’m trying hard to get out of my head–looking at the fact that my clothes are baggier, I’m down in yet another smaller blouse, probably need to be looking at smaller pants soon, and am punching new holes in my belt beyond the ones already punched tighter than the factory holes.  My fitness level is increasing–the effects of heat aside, my pace is more consistent than it has been.  My downward dog? Yeah, it exists longer than a split second and my arms don’t shake anymore.  Clearly, there’s good stuff happening.

But that naggy (not so) little number on the scale keeps staring me in the face.  I think I’m going to have to skip it for a while to preserve what little sanity I possess.

The numbers make sense–unless every article, book, and source I’ve consulted are big fat liars. I should be losing something!  Yes, I know biology plays a part (thanks Eve)–but this long?  Affects of stress, hydration, etc, too… Doesn’t make sense.  This is a typical day for me:

I consume roughly 1800 calories a day.  On this particular day, I had two workouts–30 minutes of interval run/walk and 30 minutes of a HIIT program (I. Hate. Pushups.)  So if I’m ending the day with a theoretical 1600 calorie deficit (I say theoretical simply because I am very cynical of just playing the numbers game…I understand there’s so many more variables to calorie burn), I “should” be losing weight.  Even the stupid equations and calculators on other sources don’t make sense (I really don’t like how it’s laid out on the above screenshot, it’s just what I had handy).  And 1800 calories is still a newer lower calorie intake goal…it just got knocked down to this level with the last five pound chunk I lost.  My macronutrients are textbook–almost a perfect carb/fat/protein ratio for me, so it’s not a matter of what I’m eating.

I don’t like math that doesn’t add up to a pretty little package.  And I’m really annoyed at that stubborn scale.

But again, I have to look at all the other rewards of eating (mostly) well and consistent exercise…there’s been a lot of benefits.  Heck, I’m pretty proud of getting through the first week of my half marathon training program and trusting the process, not getting overwhelmed when I look ahead and see how the distance on those Saturdays creeps up as quickly as next month.  I think I’ve also found those funny little exercise endorphins that I was convinced didn’t exist.  External circumstances sure aren’t to blame for my mood lately, so between God and chemistry, something’s jiving well.  I’ll take it.

I’m doing some battle in my head right now too…paralyzing fear of situations I can’t control, inferiority, and tapping into God’s strength since I know straight out I can’t do life in my own power, especially lately.  Most of the time I can reconcile the difference between what I know is true and what I believe as truth (there is a difference!), but those synapses aren’t firing direct shots…makes for some fun conversations with God, randomly staring off into space, and some really frustrated bursts of exercise.  This too shall pass…

Life’s funny.  All we can do is keep plugging forward.  God’s got the plan and somewhere in it all, things get figured out.  I’m just along for the ride.  (But ya know, God, a little recognition on the scale would be nice too…LOL)  Just back off, take the next right action, and live obediently.  It could always be worse…I’ve come a long way and I praise God for that.  Until next time….rant over. 😉