Living Life

So, I did a little math after my weigh in this morning (55lbs down, by the way…) and don’t get me wrong here, I am over the moon about my physical progress thus far…but I’ve found myself discouraged when looking at the big picture.  I know, I know…small attainable goals, it’s not about the end result, it’s not about weight loss–it’s about health, just take it a day at a time, look at how far you’ve come.  Believe me, I can pep talk myself all day long.  I know what you’re going to say.  Discouraged isn’t even the right word…I think battle weary more encompasses my feelings.  When I look at the time it is going to take to accomplish my ultimate goal, it’s exhausting to think that it is still about two years off.

Then I have to remind myself about everything that has no relation to a flippin’ number on a scale that have happened over the last six months:

  • I just registered for my first 5K this morning.  I had a time goal to train for in mind and shattered it last night, two months before the event.  It is insane to me that the thought going through my head now is, “I wonder how much running vs. walking I’ll be doing by the time the race comes around.”  Who am I?
  • Healthy eating is the norm.  Poor eating choices just aren’t worth it to me most of the time.  I just sat here and scoured the menu for a restaurant hubby and I will be going to for lunch and decided on my healthier choice but super tasty meal that I will enjoy without any guilt, remorse, deprivation, or sadness.  Can I eat whatever I want? Yes.  Do I? No.
  • I can do pushups.  No, really.  I didn’t think I could, and almost cried when the trainer wanted me to try them last week because I didn’t want to embarrass myself by trying and failing.  Not only can I do pushups, I did 27 of them on Wednesday.  Yes, I am still sore.
  • My overall actions of life are more disciplined and routine.  I am a lazy person by nature, but I find myself living more life than forcing myself to just survive.
  • I have not eradicated negative self talk, but I have slowed down my thought process to realize the negative garbage and try to reword it in a constructive manner.
  • My prayer life has dramatically changed for the better
  • My connection with God is far more tangible and less forced
  • I just generally feel happier.

I’m sure there’s much more that I’m forgetting, but this is still big stuff.  But for now, back to living and enjoying life as it is today.

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