So, yesterday’s blog post was pretty negative. That wasn’t my intention. I have a great desire for transparency on this journey of wellness. Some days aren’t always going to be sunshine and roses. I share not out of selfish gain or ambition, but rather to have a living testimony of the work that God is doing in my life. This is an opportunity for me to share my blessings and my struggles along the way of striving to be the woman of God that God sees in me. This blog, my (abundant) facebook posts, and the like, serve as a vehicle of motivation for me. And if it happens to inspire (or convict) someone else along the way, well, the Holy Spirit is doing His job too.
Motivation is important when discipline isn’t exactly disciplined. I’m learning discipline. Motivation keeps my mind and my heart on track of the lofty godly goals that have been set forth as I learn and apply the disciplines needed to stay the course. I am determined. I haven’t always been a determined person. This is new territory for me. And this time, I’m getting what I want–because it’s not just what I want, it’s what God wants for my life.
There have been few times in my life where I have known without a doubt, without a hint of hesitation, the exact part of God’s plan for my life at that particular time. The first was my calling to the full time ministry that I am a part of. It’s the only vision that I’ve ever encountered and it came at a time when I had sworn off God altogether. It took me several years of my heart changing and doubt before I experienced another nudging of the Holy Spirit to accept my calling that would change the course of my life forever. Another dramatic experience of discovering God’s will in my life was when I began dating my husband. It took me a long (long, long, long) time to reconcile in my heart being a single person in the ministry that I am a part of and go forward in faith knowing that I could do it. I’ll spare you the (absolutely hilarious!) conversation of how my husband and I started dating, but the moment he turned my face to him and kissed me for the first time, it was instant peace in my soul that he was the man I was going to marry, the one created just for me.
And that brings us to my current unwavering knowledge of God’s plan for me. I am not living the plan that God has for my life. I am not living life abundantly in His blessing because I am in sin. It’s not laziness, it’s not busyness, it’s not neglect–it’s sin. That’s hard to swallow. But thank God that’s not the end of the story. The Holy Spirit has placed a strong conviction on my heart of the several blatant sins in my life that are holding me back from freedom, from a full relationship with God. I can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t run from it anymore. It’s time to team up with the One who is right and change for the better.
They say (whoever “they” is) that change is like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, more is exposed, and the work is never done. I acknowledge that the work in me will never be done, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be doing it. Each effort, each goal, changes me more into the image of God, to be the person He created me to be. I don’t know what the future holds, and it’s probably good that I don’t, but I do know this–it’s going to be awesome.
And it’s not just about the end result, it’s about the process too. Finding joy in the changes. Feeling success in the little things. Asking God for forgiveness of my neglect of His creation. Showing God my obedience to His will. Learning how to be obedient, and not living my will. Even the bad days, and there will be some, all have lessons to be learned.
Isn’t life amazing?