The Awkward Shift

Now that I have lost the weight of a bag of my dog’s food (35lbs), I have *finally* noticed a change.  It’s a positive change, but an awkward one nonetheless.

I lose weight from the top-down.  The last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I lost 4 shirt sizes before I barely lost a pants size (oh, I *love* my genetics that I have to thank for this body shape).  I notice now, sitting here in my uniform shirt, that there is a bit of bagginess that was not there prior and the sleeves fit a bit better.  I’ll take it.  I’ve needed to feel a change in me for a long time.

Weight loss is hard work, man.  There’s a cute quote floating around on Facebook that says something like, “I wish fat screamed when being burned.”  I wish that there were more tangible feelings/rewards/differences along this road to grab onto.  I admit, I’m an incentive-driven person.  I need gratification to keep plugging along.  Things like “you’ll live so much longer” or “you’ll be so much healthier” just aren’t big motivators for me.  Changes I can feel–a more billowy uniform blouse for example–is what does it for me.

There’s another quote I saw I Pinterest that says, “Do it for the “Oh *bleep*! You got hot!””  That doesn’t work so much for me either.  While I am committed to losing a significant amount of weight in this journey to living healthier, you’re not going to someday find me lounging on the beach in a bikini.  My goal weight is 180lbs.  Still considered “overweight” for my 5’8″ frame, I would be over-the-moon to reach that weight.  The slightly disconcerting side of that is that when I reach my goal, I will be what I weighed in around the sixth grade.  Sixth grade.

That’s one of the scary sides of this journey–I have no idea what I will look like when I lose weight.  I have never in my adult life been a reasonable weight.  To me, that is a little bit scary.  I wonder–will I be toned and healthy looking from proper exercise?  Will I have sagging skin? (Which in my research, the jury is still out…I’m young and resilient still, and only about 10% of people that lose large amounts of weight have sagging skin that requires surgery to combat, but I haven’t found any studies on those that have been overweight literally their whole lives)  Yes, it sounds like vanity run amuck, but I think it’s a legitimate fear to wonder what the future holds.

I guess that goes back to trusting God.  I know whatever the turnout will be down the road, that I’ll be just fine.  Whatever may come, I will just have to take it in stride.  Random thoughts for the day…

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