Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.
“All you do is run.”
“Don’t you do anything else?”
“I don’t know how you have the time to do what you do.”
I know it’s meant harmlessly, but over time, it grates on my nerves…especially that last one, I don’t know how I have the time either, but you know what? I have the same 24 hours as everyone else and I put in 8-10 hours of work each day, errands, other programs and meetings, workouts, family time, and now the insane person that I am, I’m starting a six month class later this month because I don’t have enough standing commitments. It works. It just does. And quite honestly, to quote another tired meme, “an hour workout is only 4% of your day, what’s your excuse?” Because other than my long runs once a week that last 2-4 hours, that’s all the time I spend working out each day!
I do plenty else…I spend time with my husband (almost) everyday outside of our ministry responsibilities. I am an avid reader–I average 500-1000 pages any given week. I do laundry. I cook meals. I grocery shop. I bathe our dog. I get 7-8 hours of sleep (providing I actually get a good night of sleep). I participate in community activities when time allows and they interest me. I have closet desires to be a social being that my introverted tendencies squash at every juncture. That 8-10 hours of work plus errands, other programs, and meetings…you may see some bumblings of it on social media, know of it if you know me in person, or have even greater knowledge of my doings and whereabouts depending on your relationship with me/our ministry/the groups and organizations I belong to. The reality of our ministry is that of trust and confidentiality, so a lot of the minutiae isn’t out there for the world to see. So, yes–I am fine to tout the fact that *I* aim to be transparent as much as possible, but the reality is, there’s proper boundary there for good reason–because it’s none of your business!
I am very transparent about a very, very great many things about myself–almost to a narcissistic fault, because I think it’s important to share that 1) leaders in ministry are human and not to be placed on pedestals, 2) this journey of obedience, change, and wellness is no joke–some days it’s effortless, some days you want to scream, and some days you just want a stupid cupcake. 3) I’m not perfect–I’m learning, I’m teachable, and I want to share what I’m passionate about right now. Don’t like it…don’t listen. Easy as that.
Transparency isn’t bad. Passion isn’t bad. It gives me a chance to take two seconds out of the doldrums of everyday life and dream on something bigger. Yeah, I have goals–I have goals of all levels of attainment from ones that span my personal life like a systematic organization plan (starting with my disaster of an office), to professional that I’m not going to outline on this platform, to someday running an ultramarathon and others on levels in between. You might be surprised to take a look at some of my planning (as yes, it’s all down step-by-step on paper…because…well, type A)
I’m not sure where I was going with this one today…maybe I just needed to vent a little. I really want a huge cupcake. I don’t need a cupcake…keeping things on point, next race is under three weeks. Moral of the story, don’t judge someone just on perception, they’re probably playing a few close to the vest. Give grace and let ’em enjoy what lights their fire. And I won’t put down your passions. Deal?